Let’s talk about Trauma Therapy, and Affairs. Press here to listen to this episode from my Podcast

But, first I want us to take a look at the definition of affair in general, and in personal/marital relationships.




1. an event or sequence of events of a specified kind or that has previously been referred to (something repetitive).

2. a sexual relationship between two people, one or both of whom are married to someone else (cheating).


Having an affair [even a “pre-affair”] is an indication that some healing needs to take place in a person’s life. This includes witnessing and affair as a child, or growing up in a home where one of the parents had an ongoing affair. Having an affair as an adult and never seeking help to end it, or lacking to properly heal from them and moving on.

Healing from what was witnessed during childhood, teen trauma, or adulthood experiences is crucial.

Affairs come into place when there’s something somewhere in your soul that has been broken and the affair was just another vice to cover over the pain, hurt and brokenness. Affairs happen when you try to medicate the pain by disconnecting from the reality as you attempt to fill a gap that will remain void until you’ve done healing.

Affairs can be emotional, psychological, spiritual and of course the most commonly known physical.

Fix the brokenness and heal the pain and then learn to be faithful to yourself, and THEN your future significant other who may some day become your spouse. Healing is required to hold valuable long-lasting relationship not only with that person who will eventually become your spouse but also with those you do life with on a daily basis.

If you have grown up in a family of affairs or feel like you’re carrying any childhood trauma. Make sure that you do the work on yourself first before engaging in a relationship with someone else. By doing so you will obtain tools to self-help and prevent any possible future affairs. You will learn the importance of being honest and see meaningful change in yourself that will stop this behavior.

“If you don’t heal you’ll end that affair and begin another one.”

Affairs do not catch anyone by surprise there are 100 steps to end it before you begin it (learn how). You immediately know when the lines have been crossed or are closed to being crossed before you cross them.

1 Corinthians 10:13— “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. Everyone is not having affairs so we cannot normalize this behavior and it breaks down families and ruins the lives of children.”

What you have endured or are undergoing at this moment is not uncommon, it’s common to most people. Learn how to, seek help if you find yourself falling into a series of affairs—one after the other, and don’t know how to end this vicious unhealthy, destructive and dangerous behavior.

I hope you enjoyed this brief talk if you want to know more or need help in this matter feel free to reach out!

©️ 2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

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