During your darkest season… it can seem as though everyone is living a happy story of success, blessings and peace. Meanwhile you’re in the pits of regrets, sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, fear, and misbelief. You find yourself asking God one too many questions and it feels as thought He’s shut His ears to your cry and pain.
One can feel as though one don’t deserve better, your faith is not strong enough, “your prayers don’t pass the ceiling” as many people would say, or as if what you’re living is what you deserve.
When you’re going through your darkest moments a wedding can make you cry and not necessarily because you’re not happy for them, but because you wonder why yours couldn’t be a happy story. Then birth of child makes you wonder if you were not fit to have your own, seeing your teens grow makes you question if as an empty nester you’ll be alone because they’ll never visit again.
You think about different scenarios, and doubt how great you’ve honored your mother and your father, and question you relationship with them.
Many times you wonder if you did a good job at raising your children, all while they’re going through their process and seasons, thoughts come flooding your mind about ‘but such and such children grew up to be men and women who fear the Lord’.
Is like a movie stuck on replay. Your entire life starts playing in your head and next thing you know, without any intentions your seeing yourself as child, broken, vulnerable, exposed and wish you could start over and take control. Take control to avoid the pain, take control to make things different, take control to live and set others free.
During your darkest season the death of someone can feel indifferent. You have a sense of selfishness disconnect, for which you can be grateful and pain. You begin to think of your own, wondering about life after death, who will be there, who will miss me and who will actually cry. You think about whether you’ll make it to heaven or burn in the pits of hell.
When you’re in your darkest season it may appear as though everyone is in the best season of their lives.
One may feel as though one didn’t work hard enough to get there. You begin to ask yourself if you’ve ever been genuinely happy. Eight to nine years of pain seem very little and too much simultaneously. Jesus endured death for us.
You begin to question; ‘what if I held on to pain a little longer, what if I let go of all hopes and relinquish control and God makes the miracle?’ ‘What if the way I’m carrying for my body, spirit, and mind are the reasons?’
When you’re in your darkest season you either do two things, withdraw or seek for help. When that help is not available you can even tend to forget of your ability to talk to the father and silence for a minute to hear Him say “this is a process, this too shall pass, don’t try to do my work, I am the alpha and the omega—the beginning and the end, keep going this is not your end”.
In our darkest season we limit our vision, we doubt in our Christian faith, and we even get angry.
But the Lord says in Habakkuk 2:3 ESV
“For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.”
We must align our vision with God’s.
We should not let the present troubles make us doubt in the Fathers work. James 1:6 says, “But let him (us) ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.”
The book of Psalms reminds us to refrain from anger, and we must be reminded to not let it rule over our feelings, even when our emotions are in high peak, because it only pleases evil “Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil” (Psalm 37:8).
Don’t worry, and if your burdened with troubles exchange then for the Father’s yoke for the fathers yoke is what teaches us, isn’t God an amazing God, a good Father?
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Mathew 11:28-30).
Your season is not going to be like their season, but every day you get the opportunity to Enter a New Season and find New Hope.
When you’re in your darkest season you can seek within the posit that God has made and become the best version of yourself. You can make great things happen during your darkest season. You must seek within you.
—Denise Kilby
©️2022 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.
Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC Assoc. 