When your marriage is falling apart due to infidelity or any other betrayal, there will be nothing quick about the healing. It will take months and possibly years to reach an emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental place that feels anything close to normal. Understandably, the person feels the pain of the initial betrayal so deeply that the idea of taking the difficult steps toward wholeness seems like signing on for more pain.
And that’s not even the hard part.
The hard part is retraining your mind to do things differently this time around. Establishing new habits in your marriage as you relate to your spouse and others is an absolute must. Battling thoughts left and right as your spiritual enemy attempts to place obstacles in your way is part for the course.
Keeping a marriage healthy, even one that has not had a significant trauma requires training, maintenance, and goal setting. Doing what it takes when you actually feel like doing the opposite – that is what is required when you deeply care about something or someone.
Restoring a marriage requires two people who are willing to do whatever it takes.
This kind of restoration in a broken marriage doesn’t come cheap. In fact, it’s quite costly. It requires sacrificing every day, crying many tears, biting one’s tongue, choosing to place another’s needs ahead of your own, and enduring a lot of pain.
Don’t lose hope, in fact with a lot of commitment, prayer and sacrifice restoration is possible. Make wedding vows an everyday thing, say some of those words at random times, but before you say it out-loud to your spouse say it in your heart to yourself. Believe in yourself so you can begin to believe in others, have Spiritual guidance and seek for the treasures of your heart, reconnect with your soul. When you know who you are and why you do/say the things you do then you begin to understand how others feel when you act/say/do the way you do.
If we are more conscious of ourselves we are less likely to walk around hurting others or doing things that don’t have meaning or make no sense.
Remember why you got married in first place, what brought the two of you together… think of what you truly want and meditate on what the true meaning of ‘marriage’ is.
Betrayal is a double-edged sword that cuts the deepest of both your feelings and emotions but restoring from it is not impossible, as long as both partners are willing to sacrifice in equal parts and make amends that last a life time.
You might need to place your heart in a scale and make sure that they both weight equally, it should never be more of one and less of the other (we should never think more of me or more for me) even when each of you loves different things. There should always be enough kindness and love to balance the scale on equality. 
When both partners have the best of interest at heart for each other the cards will always be facing the right way, and the scale will always be well-balanced. Remember that your differences (gender, looks, styles, ethnicity etc.) might have been a factor for for attraction, but your similarities is what will keep you together.
A marriage is a partnership for a lifetime, a seal that shall never be lifted, a bond that should never be broken. A married couple is meant to be joined and procreate, to evolve and to conquer, not to be enemies.
Betrayal hurts, yes it hurts indeed…it hurts when we are deceit by the person we love and trust, it hurts to the point we feel we’re not enough, but we must remember to always add more than what we’re expecting to receive. Set high expectations on your marriage not only on yourself, don’t think of yourself as a single, you’re no longer one, you are now a pair a couple, you have a match…
Less is more and more is less, less of me and more of you-more of you and less of me. It takes sacrifice, and placing someone else where we want to be can be challenging, especially after you’ve been let down by that person. That is why both partners need to be equally in agreement. 
“Create a balance that will make them wonder if you have each other’s heart beating in your chest” – Denise K.
Healing is not impossible and it could be within the beating of your heart…
Love, Peace, Kindness, Healing, Always;
Denise Kilby
#letstalk
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Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC Assoc. 