Let’s try to understand others shall we…

Sometimes as I look at my 19 year old son I think “he doesn’t even put any effort into trying to think” (is that even such a thing) okay judging free zone like planet fitness—don’t judge me—truth is that he thinks a lot more than I can even or ever imagine. I actually believe he is a lot like me (more than I’d like to admit right now) he studies people observes the world, the way people treat each other, the way people live, the way that I am, what I say verbally and non-verbally, the way I judge verbally and non-verbally as well, he is maturing in silence and even stressing in silence as well.

Is like when he does speaks he is letting out in two or three phrases everything he hasn’t said in two or three months. Have you ever wonder what this generation Z (young people full of silent life) think about? Gosh scary to think…but if you want to know i recommend you play a “Tell me something about your and how you feel” game with them— I’ll tell you more about it in a sec, but truth is that they might not tell you much while they are put on the spot (or sat in the hot chair) but the minute you start talking about them or trying to describe who they are or give them identity as a parent whether  in a jokingly manner or not boy I tell ya’!

Interesting, huh… well reason why I talk about this is because as I was saying he thinks a lot more than I can (or want to) imagine. The way that he manages stress is very different (and important for me to understand as a mom) than the way that I do. A lot of parents or adults don’t know how to talk to generation Z or how to approach them, they believe that they are silent in their own world and absolutely absent in the “reality” of the one we live in.

As a mom of three beautiful souls of this generation I was moved today to write a quick post to inspire my friends (all of you) and lovely readers to try to understand our younger generation, whether they are friends, neighbors, co-workers, siblings, step-kids, OUR OWN children, kids of friends , or an extended relative…etc.

Children let’s not expect but instead listen to their silent and respect their short phrases, make sense to their words and appreciate their feedback.—Denise

My 19 yr old son said to me yesterday that “I always thought I was right” in a little game that my 11 year old decided we driving to my mom’s house, called “Say something about yourself and how you feel” (the game I mentioned earlier). And I genuinely value his feedback and prayed about it, I so hope that I can listen to him more and allow him to express himself more as well (whether verbally or non-verbally), & that I can learn how to listen to him and understand him as well. Because as a coach and counselor I perhaps may be leading and guiding, directing all the time and not precisely doing much listening in my own family just because I posses a believe that “I know what I’m talking about and I can help” attitude and instead I am sending the wrong message because those are not my intentions. I have a lot to learn and my intentions are for all of us to grow together.

Perhaps I am not allowing them to talk, and they are stressed out, I thought (he wasn’t the only one to talk… it was pretty funny and things got interesting with the youngest one too-but real to me), while they were joking I was analyzing everything,  they are bottling stress and this can hinder their happiness and perhaps their future. I am not trying to shut them off (perhaps you’re not either) but they think that I am Mrs. Know it all and that they are “Team don’t have a voice/chance”. And that is not the case.

There’s is a part in the brain that is not fully develop until age 25, therefore they’re are not fully capable of comprehending and understanding things that someone over the age of 25 would be able to.

They escape, and focus on finding refugee to social media and use it as a source to “relieve stress” from annoying mom and dad. Social media is a stressor for young people today (for generation Z:people born in mid 90’s and 2000). They go to bed late and experience disturbance in sleep, headaches, mood swings, and more stress related symptoms. Social media can be a help or something that causes stress depending on how is being used. Learning how to manage and limit social media can limit stress, but if our young people are using it as way to seek happiness they can end up worse because there is such a diverse of lives that they can end up comparing theirs with and instead of feeling better they can end up worse.

Eating better and staying active, physically socializing and exercising is a great for young people to manage stress, reaching out to seek mental health professionally, counseling, therapy, finding a life coach or mentor can be very helpful to manage and minimize stress as well. Learning coping skills and how to address a situation to manage that stress effectively when it arises will help all of us to manage that stress effectively.

People are really feeling the effects of the environment and we need to be aware of what goes around us, which means that although the environment isn’t getting better we need to work harder at staying better and not letting it affect us. Whatever the issue is people should be active in those issue but understand that in life we can only control our thoughts, our actions and our own feelings—not anyone else’s. Therefore, the way things turn out to be might not always be the way we wish for but we can control the way we react to it.

We need to help our generation Z understand that reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. Break the stigma. Working today on what we want to see tomorrow is the key to opening the door for the place we want to enter later. We all want to be safe in life, no one wants to be in danger, even those who have thoughts of hurting themselves know that they want to be hugged, and finding that safe haven starts by reaching out and asking for help. A lot of young people mistakingly speak base on thoughts and not true feeling and as adults (if you’re and adult reading this) is our job to step in and help.

If you’re under the age of 25 don’t feel like you’re weak or broken or immature, please know that you’re capable and use this as a guide to understanding yourself and perhaps helping others find a better way to managing stress.

Everyday is a new opportunity (as I always say) to begin again.

Today is the day today we’ve been given another opportunity to live, love, give thanks, love God, yourself, the creations, others, and enjoy life!

As always—thinking of you,

Denise Kilby

©️2018 Denise Kilby Life Coaching & Spiritual Counseling. All right reserved.

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