When the Present Reminds You of the Past

Living with chronic pain, and finding your way back to steady ground.

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking “I had it better before,” or “I can’t believe I’m going through this again,” or “the past felt safer than this moment” — you’re not alone. For a lot of us living with ongoing illness, the present can feel worse than yesterday. But sometimes that feeling only shows up because something new has reminded you just how bad the past actually was too.

A note before you read: This post shares my own experience with chronic pain and spiritual practice. It isn’t medical advice — if you’re dealing with new or worsening symptoms, please talk to a healthcare provider.

My Flare

I’ve lived with fibromyalgia and intermittent neck and shoulder pain from herniated discs for over 13 years— pain that, when it flares, makes today feel darker than yesterday ever was. A year ago I went through what I can only describe as a spiritual attack. The herniated discs in my neck flared, pinching a nerve into my right arm. I couldn’t work, write, type — and by that afternoon, I couldn’t even pick up a fork. It had been over nine years since I’d experienced anything like it. I ended up in the ER.

I’d already thought I was living through the hardest 18 months of my life. But I’ve come to believe God allowed this to get close to me to show me how strong I actually am. At the time this happened, I’d been in a season of deep spiritual practice for about a month, and this flare felt like a direct attack to that. I prayed, I rebuked what I believe was spiritual opposition, and I kept declaring healing, protection, and provision over my family, and freedom for the people in my life who don’t yet know Christ.

That night, after my daughter brought me home from the hospital, she had an intense nosebleed — something she hadn’t experienced since she was eight or nine. Exhausted, she looked at me and said, “the devil keeps trying.” It felt like something more than her own words in that moment. Whatever you make of it, it reframed the whole day for me: opposition doesn’t get to win. It only gets to try.

Our Memory of the Past Isn’t a Perfect Record

It’s completely normal to remember the “good” parts of the past and downplay the bad. Our brains prioritize emotional meaning over objective accuracy, which is part of why the past can look rosier than a messy, complicated present. Add chronic pain into the mix, and memory skews even further, we must keep in mind how pain and low mood both change how we evaluate time and meaning.

The good news is that this is a normal human pattern, and one you can work with rather than against.

What we know about fibromyalgia

A few things worth keeping in mind if you’re dealing with fibromyalgia or a similar condition:

• It’s a common chronic pain condition with layered causes — central nervous system sensitization (the nervous system becoming overly reactive to normal input), sleep disruption, and mood all play a role, according to a clinical overview from NCBI’s StatPearls.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has meta-analytic evidence showing it improves coping with pain and reduces depressed mood and healthcare-seeking behavior in people with fibromyalgia — a larger 2012 meta-analysis found medium-sized improvements across function, pain, depression, and anxiety. It doesn’t cure the pain, but it changes how much power the pain has over your life.
• Mindfulness meditation shows a modest, low-to-moderate quality reduction in pain across chronic pain conditions generally, plus more consistent improvements in depression and quality of life — worth being honest that for fibromyalgia specifically the pain-reduction evidence is weaker and mixed. Still low-risk, and it supports self-regulation.
• “Pacing” — planning activity to avoid boom-and-bust cycles — has meta-analytic support for reducing fatigue, psychological distress, and depression in conditions with flare patterns, especially when tailored to the individual.
• Social support’s effect on pain is genuinely mixed in the research — it’s more consistently linked to better mood and quality of life than to less pain itself. Still worth having in your corner.

I bring these up because part of moving forward, when the past starts looking better than the present, is practical: using tools that actually change pain’s hold on your life.

A Quick Checklist for Figuring Out What’s Happening

When you catch yourself thinking “I had it easier before,” ask yourself, as honestly as you can:

1. Is the pain pattern new or changed? (If yes — contact your provider.)
2. Have I missed medications, PT, or other routines? Small lapses can trigger flares.
3. Have I changed my activity level drastically — more or less? Boom-and-bust patterns trigger flares.
4. How’s my sleep and mood lately? Both amplify pain when they slip.
5. Is there a clear external trigger — infection, weather, a new stressor, travel, diet?
6. Am I spiritually or relationally isolated right now?
7. What does my gut say — is this a medical flare, a habits issue, or a season of testing? If you’re unsure, it’s fine to seek both medical and spiritual counsel at once.

If 1 or 2 stand out, prioritize a medical contact. If 4 or 5 are strong, address sleep and mood and remove obvious triggers. If 6 or 7 resonate, lean on community and spiritual practice alongside medical care — not instead of it.

An Action List You Can Start Today

Pick two or three of these to start. Don’t try to overhaul your whole life in one day.

1. Build a flare-defense plan. Write down three low-effort things that reliably help — a 20-minute guided mindfulness session, a warm shower and gentle stretching, calling one trusted person. Keep the list somewhere visible so you reach for it first when a flare starts.

2. Pace yourself. Break tasks into small chunks with timed rest — something like 25–40 minutes of activity, then rest. Track what you can comfortably do, and increase only gradually (around 10%) once you’re stable. This is what prevents the boom-and-bust cycle that makes the present feel unbearable.

3. Add a short daily mind-body practice. Start with 5–10 minutes of breathwork, prayer or guided mindfulness. Even short, consistent sessions are linked to real (if modest) benefits for chronic pain and mood.

4. Protect your sleep. Keep consistent sleep and wake times, cut screens an hour before bed, and build a simple wind-down ritual — prayer, reading, gentle stretching. Poor sleep reliably worsens pain sensitivity.

5. Move gently but consistently. Physical therapy, gentle stretching, and graded walking are safer than random heavy exercise during a flare. If you have a herniated disc, or notice new weakness or bowel/bladder changes, contact medical care promptly.

6. Use CBT-style tools. Thought records and behavioral activation — even in small, informal doses — can change how you evaluate the present moment. A CBT course, therapist, or app-based program can help build this as a habit.

7. Tell someone your plan. Social support isn’t optional — it materially improves how people cope with pain. Tell one trusted person something concrete: “If I’m flaring, check in on me once a day.”

8. Stay an active partner in your medical care. If nothing seems to be helping, ask about a referral to a pain specialist, rheumatologist, physiatrist, or multidisciplinary pain program. Don’t wait for a crisis to ask.

Faith Practices That Help

Root the present in something steady. Three passages I return to often: Psalm 23 (God as shepherd in the present valley), Romans 8:28 (God working through all things), and Ephesians 6:10–18 (the armor of God). These don’t erase hard circumstances, but they give your mind and heart something solid to stand on.

A simple spiritual-warfare rhythm:

• Pray specifically and briefly — give thanks, name the struggle and ask for strength.
• “Put on the armor” daily through short, declarative prayer.
• Stay in community — spiritual struggle carried alone tends to become isolation.
• Practice discernment — ask whether you’re facing a spiritual test, a physical cause, or both, and seek counsel for whichever applies.

Spiritual warfare, in practice, looks less like a dramatic showdown and more like steady discipline, honest confession, and staying connected to others alongside good medical care, not instead of it.

Is It Something I’m Doing, or Is It a Season of Testing?

It’s tempting to file every hard stretch under either “my fault” or “spiritual attack.” A more useful approach uses both lenses:

1. Start with the objective checks — sleep, medication, injury, infection, activity, hydration, stress. Fix what’s off here first.
2. If those checks are handled and symptoms are still spiking, involve a mental health or pain specialist. Mood and catastrophizing can drive a real share of suffering, and treatment helps.
3. Bring in spiritual counsel too — prayer, a pastor or trusted elder, personalized prayer support.
4. Avoid all-or-nothing thinking. Most of the time, the physical, psychological, and spiritual are tangled together. Treat what you can medically and psychologically, while also drawing on spiritual resources.

Hope, Realistically

Hope isn’t a guarantee that things will improve — it’s the belief that pain and difficulty aren’t the final word, and that small, sustainable gains are possible. Consistent self-management and real social connection tend to improve outcomes over time, but progress isn’t linear, and setbacks are part of it.

Give yourself permission to:

• Rest when you need to rest.
• Celebrate the small wins — one task done, a ten-minute walk.
• Reassess your plans on the days you’re not well.
• Ask for help.

Resilience isn’t the same as being stoic. It’s being adaptive.

A 7-Day Starter Plan

• Day 1 — Assess and stabilize: Note your sleep, meds, and triggers. Tell one trusted person your plan. Do one 5-minute breathwork session.
• Day 2 — Set pacing rules: Pick two small goals, one physical and one social. Use 30/30 activity-rest cycles.
• Day 3 — Movement and faith: 10 minutes of gentle PT exercises, plus a short Scripture reading.
• Day 4 — Mind and connection: 10 minutes of mindfulness, plus a call to a friend or prayer partner.
• Day 5 — Sleep focus: Add one new sleep habit — no screens for 60 minutes before bed.
• Day 6 — Do something meaningful: One small, achievable task you genuinely enjoy.
• Day 7 — Reflect and reset: Note what helped and what didn’t. Set two new goals for the week ahead. If you’re still struggling medically, reach out to your provider.

When to Call a Clinician Right Away

• New or worsening neurological symptoms — numbness, progressive weakness, loss of bowel or bladder control.
• A sudden, severe change in your pain pattern, or new fever or infection signs.
• Unmanageable suicidal thoughts or severe depression. If you’re in immediate danger, call emergency services or a crisis line.

Hope With Hands and Feet

You don’t have to choose between spiritual faith and medical care — both are part of wisdom. The past can feel safer, but safety isn’t always where growth happens. Growth usually comes in small, ordinary steps: a consistent breathing practice, a weekly call with someone who prays for you, a PT exercise repeated three times a week, a therapist who helps you respond differently to fear.

Be patient, be tactical, and be kind to yourself. When the present feels rougher than the past, you’re allowed to grieve what you miss — and still take one steady step forward.

And remember, He is with you in the valley. That doesn’t remove the pain, but it changes the company you keep while you walk through it.

Reach out if you need support. Find a support group. Find new reads and articles. Send me your prayer request.

©️2026 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC Assoc. All rights reserved.