Decisions and Actions: What It Means to Choose and Stand by Our Choice
Every decision we make has the power to open a door and close another. Some decisions are small, but we make them everyday, on what to eat, what to wear, whether to hit snooze or jump out of bed. Others feel like fault lines in the soul, what career to pursue, create a workout routine and stick to it, go to church and study the word of God, or whether to walk away from a toxic relationship, or how to confront a truth we’ve been avoiding about ourselves
No matter the scale, every decision has weight that we will have to hold and carry one day. Behind each decision lives one question that cuts to the core of everyone who is in the decision making world: Who am I, really — and what am I willing to stand for?
Let’s break this down from the inside out: Psychologically, spiritually, and practically.
The Psychology of Decision-Making: The Tug of War Within
Psychologists agree that decision-making is rarely logical, and most often it’s emotional. That’s why we need to cautious of making decisions when we’re mad, sad, or angry. Antonio Damasio, a neuroscientist, discovered that people with damaged emotional centers in their brains could list all the rational pros and cons, but couldn’t make a decision. They were paralyzed. Why? Because decisions are ultimately about risk, desire, fear, and values, not just logic.
We all experience a tug-of-war between what we want now, what we want most, and what we need. That internal conflict called cognitive dissonance hits at the core when we make a decision that goes against our values or when we avoid making one at all.
Example: You value health, but you keep neglecting a warning sign and paying a visit to the doctor. Another example, you value integrity, but you keep cutting corners, and deciding to do what’s most convenient to you at the moment when noone’s watching.
The only way through is authenticity.
Authenticity: The Root of Consistency
Authenticity means aligning your actions with your values. Your actions will demonstrate what you value. One cannot claim that they value respect and family and live life disrespecting their family by bad mouthing them with strangers. It’s about knowing what you stand for, and acting like it, even when it’s hard.
No matter how authentic we are, we’ll always have to make decisions. Maybe it won’t be as hard to make the difficult ones or to avoid the risk of making the wrong ones — because we’re true to ourselves.
Take Daniel from the Bible as an example. When offered rich foods from the king’s table in Babylon, he refused to eat them and was not mesmerized by the banquet—because he had already made a decision to stay true to his faith and heritage. He refused to be contaminated by what it looked good, and in reality speaking probably looked good for those of low character. When you hold to integrity, authenticity and true character—you will face moments that what looks good, and tastes good to others will appear and taste repugnant to you. Daniel didn’t wait for the moment of pressure to figure it out. He didn’t risk tasting it. He had pre-decided who he was, and that he would remain clean.
That’s the power of living authentically: it simplifies life. You stop chasing the wind, you no longer they tossed by the wind like the waves of the ocean, or play mental ping-pong with yourself and others. You’re consistent.
Consistency and the Grit to Stay the Course:
For the most part making a decision is easy. Making a good decision can be difficult for many. And sticking to a good decision or choice we’ve made— well that’s where most people struggle or fail.
Consistency takes grit my friend. Psychologist Angela Duckworth, describes grit as a combination of passion and perseverance. I’ve read a similar definition by the American Psychological Association: “grit, a personality trait characterized by perseverance and passion for achieving long-term goals. Grit entails working strenuously to overcome challenges and maintaining effort and interest over time despite failures, adversities, and plateaus in progress. Recent studies suggest this trait may be more relevant than intelligence in determining a person’s high achievement. For example, grit may be particularly important to accomplishing an especially complex task when there is a strong temptation to give up altogether.”
In short ;), it’s waking up and choosing the same values even when the emotions fade, the rewards lag, and nobody is clapping for you. It’s something about you, not what others see in you or whether they clap for you or not.
May we be honest? stepping into the gym for the first time, when you feel out of shape and ashamed could be the hardest. Saying no to a drink, when your body is screaming for it after a stressful week, could be the most difficult thing to do. A lot of people will not understand how difficult it is to face life without the coping behavior you’ve engaged in for years, even if they are negative.
Making the decision is where the work of building grit begins.
Peter said he’d follow Jesus to the death, he meant it, he loved Jesus and was grateful to Him. But then Peter denied Him three times when things got hard. His heart was with Jesus, but his mind was too worried about himself. That moment of failure wasn’t an intended betrayal to hurt Jesus — but the decision that Peter made still hurt Jesus’ heart, even if He knew that was coming. That was a betrayal of Peter’s own declared values. The good news is, Jesus restored him, because He knew Peter’s heart. I find that to be a sharp lesson in what happens when our actions fall out of sync with our identity or we make ourselves to be believe we are in the eyes of others.
Decisions don’t live in isolation. They pull threads and start reactions. They don’t just affect our lives, they shape our identity. Every time we choose or refuse to choose. we become more of something: braver, weaker, smaller, grater, clearer, more confused, more free, or more entangled. There’s so much danger in making the wrong decision as it is in making no decision and calling it neutral. No decision is still a decision. The moment we avoid choice, we surrender authorship of our story to fear, habit, or circumstance.
Where transformation either ignites or dies is at the edge of our decisions. To change anything in our lives, we have to understand how we decide, who we are when we do, and how that shapes our lives.
The tension of not making a decision or sticking to it will build until you’re forced to make a move, you’ll find yourself stuck looking at the fork on the road. In that crossroads, your identity will be either forged or fractured.
The more authentic you are, the fewer decisions you have to agonize over. You’ve already chosen who you are, now you must follow-through.
When you live authentically, life gets clearer. Not easier, but less chaotic. Because you’re not constantly rewriting your story to please others or avoid discomfort, you’re sticking to truth.
Let’s now talk about one of the hardest decisions of all: Addiction, Compulsion, and the War Within
The decision to break free from addiction or compulsive behavior.What are you addicted to? Do you know anyone addicted to: alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, binge-eating, coffee, gambling, work, shopping, the internet, social media—doom-scrolling, toxic relationships, or co-dependency? These aren’t just habits. They’re usually survival or bad coping mechanisms that serve as emotional painkillers, and create neural loops deeply etched into the brain.
Here’s what makes the decision to break-free so difficult: you have to remake them constantly. You can’t make this decision one day and not the next. Sometimes every hour, and sometimes every minute.
The desire to may be change is real. But the pull of the old pattern can be louder. You may feel weak but you have to develop grit to feel strong— because the behavior has become a shortcut to emotional relief, even if it’s destroying you.
You don’t break free with willpower alone. You break free with honesty, support, and structure. You get accountable. You grieve what the compulsion helped you avoid. And then make one decision at a time, one day at a time you decide to choose differently.
Let me give you a Biblical example: The prodigal son’s change started with a decision, he said “I will arise and go to my father.” He took action. His restoration may have not erased the pain of his past, but it shifted the direction of his future, and taught him how to live a better life, that wasn’t fueled by greed, selfishness, and a false belief about himself.
People in recovery say, “One day at a time.” Because change doesn’t happen in a second, even if the decision to change does. You can see change happen in the consistent decision to keep showing up for yourself — even after setbacks, guilt, and even after shame.
Freedom doesn’t begin when you are perfect. Freedom begins with one brutally honest decision and that is too take a deep look within ourselves examining the good and the bad and not making excuses to keep living with what no longer serves us: It begins with understanding what’s not doing well, and deciding “I don’t want to live like this anymore.”
Accountability is the Mirror and the Fire that goes beyond our need to control. It’s about ownership and saying: My decisions have impact. I have power. I will answer for them, and I won’t hide.
Accountability is the mirror that keeps you honest. It’s the fire that burns away excuses.
An example: You commit to honesty in leadership and mistake happens. You have the ability to cover it, but accountability calls you to own it, and in doing so, you gain trust instead of losing it.
Jesus chose accountability. He didn’t deflect, deny, or run dying on the cross for us. He owned His mission all the way to the cross. He stood by His purpose even when it cost everything. His decision had cosmic consequences and He bore them willingly.
That’s what real leadership, integrity, and commitment look like.
Every Choice has its fruit. Every decision we make has consequences, whether we face them or not. You can choose your action, but you can’t choose the ripple effect.
Let’s talk about David’s again and his decision to pursue Bathsheba and orchestrate her husband’s death, this was followed by personal tragedy and generational fallout. God forgave him, but the damage didn’t vanish with the forgiveness. Grace can redeem, but it doesn’t erase the consequences.
Joseph chose integrity over compromise even when it meant prison. He knew he could not sleep with that woman. Years later, that same consistency positioned him to save a nation. Consequences aren’t always immediate. But they always come.
There’s a Cost of Inaction. Let’s not forget: not deciding is also a decision.
The Israelites at the edge of the Promised Land. When God told them to go in but they allow fear to win. That hesitation and refusal to choose faith cost them 40 years in the desert.
Indecision can steal decades of your life. Fear can delay your destiny. Silence can protect your comfort today and sabotage your future and calling tomorrow.
How to Make a Decision and Stick to It
If you’re facing a choice right now big or small here’s how to anchor yourself:
Clarify your values. Don’t choose what feels urgent. Choose what aligns with who you want to become. Name your fear. What are you afraid will happen if you choose boldly? Say it out loud. Then challenge it.
Pre-decide. Don’t wait for crisis to define your integrity. Choose now who you’ll be when the heat comes. Act. Action builds momentum. Start small and even shaky, just start. Stay consistent. The gap between your decision and your result is where most people quit. Don’t quit, get-accountable. Invite people to call you out and call you up. Own the outcome and seek to learn from the losses. Celebrate the wins. Take responsibility either way.
Final Thought: Your Decisions Shape Your Identity
Your life is the product of your choices, not your dreams, your intentions, not your emotions. Just your decisions.
Every decision is a chance to say: This is who I am. This is who I refuse to be. This is the life I’m building from now on— one step at a time.
Choose with clarity, move with purpose, and when it gets hard, keep going. Every time you do, you’re not just making a decision, you’re becoming someone stronger.
Our decisions matter so much because they affect families, communities, and legacies.
I pray that you become who you were meant to be.
©️Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC Assoc. All rights reserved.
