Have you ever felt a wave of discomfort wash over you when you hear a certain name? Or perhaps a city you once visited now feels like a place you’d rather avoid? Or even more, a place you’ve never been to carries an emotional weight that causes pain?
This reaction, although unsettling, is often a sign of unhealed pain or unresolved trauma. Our emotional memories are closely tied to our senses and surroundings, and memories, and when they go unaddressed, they can create powerful associations with things that once had neutral or even positive meanings.
How Trauma Roots Itself in the Familiar
When we go through a painful experience—whether it’s betrayal, loss, or abandonment—our brains and bodies take note of every detail. Scents, sounds, places, and even specific names become tied to that memory, embedding themselves in our subconscious. Over time, these associations can become so intense that the mere mention of a name or the smell of a certain fragrance can bring us right back to that place of pain.
Why Familiar Triggers Cause Strong Reactions
Our minds tend to make associations for survival. If something caused us harm in the past, our brain will naturally want to steer clear of it to protect us from experiencing that pain again. It’s almost like an automatic defense system; a part of our mind wants to ensure we don’t repeat the hurt, even if it means overreacting to otherwise harmless triggers. While this reaction is rooted in self-preservation, it often ends up limiting our experiences and creating unnecessary negativity.
Of course, we must incorporate an example about how even places we’ve never been can carry emotional weight due to the circumstances or memories we associate with them.
How Unvisited Places Can Also Become Triggers
Interestingly, it’s not just places we’ve been that can evoke strong emotions—sometimes, we feel triggered by places we’ve never even visited. For instance, hearing about a particular city or state can stir up intense feelings if it’s connected to a painful memory. Maybe it’s a place where someone we loved moved on with their life, or where they started something new without us. Even without setting foot there, we might find ourselves disliking or avoiding that location simply because of the emotional weight it carries.
This phenomenon happens because, in our minds, these places become symbolic. They represent not only what happened, but also a version of our lives where things took a different path—often one that hurt us. Hearing the name of such a place can be a painful reminder of loss, betrayal, or unhealed wounds, evoking the same feelings as if we were right there experiencing it firsthand.
How Unresolved Feelings Fuel Negative Associations
When emotional wounds go unhealed, they can distort our feelings toward even the most unrelated things. For example:
• A name might remind us of someone who hurt us, making it hard to separate the person from the pain.
• A scent could take us back to a moment of betrayal, reigniting feelings of anger or sadness.
• A city might represent a chapter of life we’d rather forget, causing us to avoid it altogether.
Instead of being able to see these names, places, or scents for what they are, we end up associating them solely with our pain.
The Cost of Carrying Unhealed Pain
Allowing pain to go unhealed doesn’t just limit us—it can hold us back from living a fulfilling life. By letting these associations control our emotions, we give power to the very things that hurt us. Imagine how much peace and freedom could be found in reclaiming these names, places, and memories. The goal is not to erase the past but to rewrite its impact on our present and future.
Healing the Wounds That Control Us
Healing is the only way to break the power these associations hold over us. This may involve therapy, deep self-reflection, and patience. But it’s also about forgiving ourselves for carrying this pain for so long. We have to give ourselves permission to heal and to see these names, places, and scents with fresh eyes—eyes no longer clouded by the hurt of the past.
1. Reflect on Your Triggers: Take some time to identify the things that trigger negative emotions. Ask yourself why certain names, places, or scents make you feel uncomfortable, and acknowledge the pain attached to them.
2. Practice Mindfulness: Try to observe your emotions without judgment. Instead of trying to suppress or ignore your reactions, let yourself feel them and understand that they are a natural response to past pain.
3. Seek Professional Help: Sometimes, we need guidance to heal deep wounds. A coach or therapist can help you process unresolved trauma and together you can develop coping strategies for managing triggers.
4. Create New Associations: Slowly, with intentional effort, begin to create new memories with the things that once triggered you. If it is a City, visit that city with a friend, find a new meaning in a scent, or tune on a triggering word—create a new meaning to what used to trigger you. Gradually, the negative associations will lose their hold on you, and you’ll begin to take hold of your reactions.
Embracing a Future Free of Past Shadows
Our past does not have to define our present or future. Through healing, we can release the bitterness, anger, and resentment that attach themselves to the things that once brought us pain. It’s a journey, one that requires courage and patience. But imagine a future where names, cities, and scents no longer trigger negativity but are simply what they are—neutral, or even positive.
Reclaiming our power over these triggers is an act of self-love and self-respect. By doing so, we take back control of our lives, allowing ourselves to experience new joys without the shadow of past pain. With time, we can let go, forgive, and live a life free of fear, embracing each moment without the weight of unhealed wounds.
Finding Healing Through the Story of Ruth by learning more about Naomi
If you’re looking for inspiration on how to heal from past pain and let go of difficult triggers, the story of Ruth in the Bible offers a powerful example of the power of removing bitterness from our name.
Naomi and Ruth experienced profound loss and heartbreak, and Naomi had every reason to carry bitterness and pain.
Naomi and her husband, Elimelech, left Bethlehem because of a famine. They traveled to Moab with their two sons in search of food and better living conditions. It was after they arrived in Moab that Elimelech died, leaving Naomi as a widow in a foreign land. Later, her two sons also died in Moab, which left Naomi with only her Moabite daughters-in-law, Orpah and Ruth.
She found herself with no security, and in charge of her daughters in law.
At this time she lived far from her home. Far from the familiar yet triggered by it. She had left a secured place in search for better and start anew yet, her story took an unexpected turn. But despite these hardships, Naomi chose to return to Bethlehem—a place that might have reminded her of all she once had and lost. Instead of continue running as an attempt to avoid the pain, she faced it with courage.
In her return to Bethlehem, Naomi not only found healing but also opened herself to new blessings. Her daughter in law Ruth became a new reason to push forward and God brought new blessing to their lives. By letting go of her painful past and allowing God to guide them, they moved back from a place of grief to a place of purpose and fulfillment, Bethlehem. Her story reminds us that when we confront our pain and allow ourselves to grieve and heal, we make room for blessings and new beginnings.
In Ruth 1:20-21 we read what pain causes a person to say. Don’t be like Naomi—don’t change your name, and if you already have, allow healing to take place.
Naomi once said, “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”
God does not bring misfortune to anyone, and if he allows it He will bring you bigger and better blessings for your pain.
Naomi’s decision to rename herself reflects the depth of her grief and sense of loss, and her and pain. However, as the story progresses, we see that God redeems her pain through Ruth’s loyalty and the blessings that follow, leading Naomi from bitterness back to joy and fulfillment.
May we all take heart from Naomi’s example and find the courage to face the things that trigger us. In doing so, we may find healing, transformation, and unexpected gifts along the way.
Be blessed and be well 🤍
©️ 2024 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC Assoc. All rights reserved.
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