New Hope MHCLC: A Whole Person Approach

Returning to an ex-spouse after experiencing separation or divorce, rejection, and emotional abandonment is a complex decision driven by various factors. Following you’ll read some reasons why someone might feel compelled to rekindle the relationship, as well as reasons to avoid begging and returning to such a situation. Additionally, if reconciliation is to happen, it should only be under certain conditions:

Reasons for Wanting to Go Back

1. Nostalgia and Familiarity: The shared history and familiarity with an ex-spouse can create a sense of comfort and security, making it tempting to go back to what once felt stable and known.
2. Fear of Loneliness: The fear of being alone can be overwhelming, leading some to prefer the idea of being with an ex-spouse rather than facing the uncertainty of single life.
3. Unresolved Feelings: Emotional ties and unresolved feelings for the ex-spouse can persist, creating a desire to seek closure or rekindle the relationship in hopes of a better outcome.
4. Shared Responsibilities: Practical considerations such as co-parenting responsibilities, shared finances, or mutual social circles can make the idea of reuniting seem appealing and convenient.
5. Hope for Change: Believing that the ex-spouse has changed or that the issues that led to the divorce can be resolved might drive someone to give the relationship another try.

Reasons to Avoid Begging and Going Back

1. Self-Respect and Dignity: Begging to return to a relationship, especially one where you were rejected and emotionally abandoned, can damage your self-respect and dignity. Maintaining self-worth is crucial for personal growth and happiness.
2. Past Behavior as an Indicator: The ex-spouse’s past behavior—rejection, emotional abandonment, and moving on—are strong indicators of their inability or unwillingness to provide a supportive and loving relationship.
3. Emotional Health: Returning to a relationship that caused emotional pain and abandonment can prevent healing and perpetuate a cycle of hurt, hindering your ability to move forward and find a healthier relationship.
4. Empowerment through Independence: Embracing independence and learning to thrive on your own can be empowering. It allows for personal growth, self-discovery, and the opportunity to build a life that aligns with your values and aspirations.
5. Potential for Better Relationships: By not returning to an unhealthy relationship, you open yourself up to the possibility of finding a partner who truly respects, values, and loves you. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and emotional support, which are essential for long-term happiness.

Conditions for Reconciliation

If reconciliation with an ex-spouse is to happen, it should only be under specific conditions:

1. Not as a Lover on the Side: Reuniting should never mean becoming a secondary option or a lover on the side. It should be a mutual decision to start anew with clear intentions and respect for each other.
2. Moving Forward Together: Both parties must be committed to moving forward in life together, with the ex-spouse showing genuine readiness to be a better partner. This includes addressing and resolving past issues that led to the separation.
3. Leaving the Past Behind: The ex-spouse must be willing to leave behind any other relationships they pursued after the divorce, demonstrating a clear commitment to rebuilding a relationship with you.
4. Mutual Growth and Improvement: Both individuals should show signs of personal growth and a genuine desire to improve the relationship dynamics. This means working on communication, trust, and emotional support.

In summary, while the urge to return to an ex-spouse can be strong, it’s important to consider the emotional and psychological implications of such a decision. Prioritizing self-respect, emotional health, and personal growth can lead to more fulfilling and healthier relationships in the future. If reconciliation is to happen, it must be based on mutual respect, clear intentions, and a commitment to move forward together, leaving past hurts behind.

Be blessed and be well 🤍

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©️2024 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC Assoc. All rights reserved.