When I First Got Married

When I first got married I believed my commitment was with with husband, I promised to love him, honor him, respect him, care for him, and be there for him until death did us apart.
I wanted to make sure that he understood this full well. That he got the point that this oath was made before God and men and I meant business for the rest of our lives. Of course I wanted to live a clean sinless and pure life before God as well.

But with the years I started to become exhausted of fighting and trying to get my point across… with time I’ve realized that my promise and commitment was not with my husband, I swore before men, but my commitment was AND IS to this day with God.

My choice to love my husband is one I must make daily (sometimes multiple times a day 😉).

With the years I’ve learned that no matter how difficult it is to love my husband, or how hard it may be to do life together—throughout the years I’ve had God to show me and help me love Him with His deep love and compassion.

With the years I’ve learned that love and forgiveness is not given to let people get away with wrong—forgiveness is a gift from Jesus to those who decide to forgive to heal their soul, and move on in life.

Loving my spouse is a decisions I make everyday, loving my spouse is a choice despite the mistake WE make, loving my spouse doesn’t excuse wrong, loving my spouse, is an act of care, loving my spouse doesn’t give him the permission to walk all over me, loving my spouse shows him that Jesus loves him.
Loving my spouse invest in strategies, commits, reinvents the wheel, is always willing, compromises, sets goals, try new things, is willing and sets boundaries.

I thank and praise God for giving us BOTH the strengths, courage, and blessings needed for another year together.

✨Happy Wedding Anniversary to Us✨

Bible scripture to live by: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes4:12)

We met by accident, though a car accident. Song to remember for life: “God bless the broken road”.

Love is a choice,

Denise K

©️2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MCHLC. All rights reserved.

Accountability

Holding someone accountable should never pain the person trying to help.

This should keep things simple for today. Holding someone accountable for their own actions should never be hard on the person trying to help them.

Keep it simple.
What are you doing to change your current situation?
How are you taking care of your mental health?
How are you handling your addiction?
Have you done anything to stop, tell me about it?
How’s that working out for you?

How can you tell when individual’s aren’t working positively and persistently toward their own mental health, building financial capacity, recovering from drugs, an alcohol addiction, working on their marital relationships, or any other interpersonal, spiritual and relational issues?

1. They become hostile

2. They walk away

3. They always give you the same excuses, or none at all

3. They are never ready or available to talk

4. They become evasive [causing a strand on the relationship].

5. They never look forward to making a plan

6. They can’t seem to be able to reach out for help [if they’re not yet receiving it

7. They will always find an escape goat or find themselves to be the victims of their current circumstances/their past—never the survivors and or deny accountability.

Bonus❗️🆘 A lot of these people end up alone, and unable to sustain healthy and meaningful relationships, with children, spouses, employees, or employers, become deceivers and lack a relationship with God!

Note 📝 these traits only describe behaviors not characters.

To help someone, talk about behavior, not characters.
To help someone, seek to reflect them and show them Jesus’ character when you talk to them.
Don’t let these individual’s behavior give you a false identity.

Trying to help someone who refuses to receive help themselves by displaying the above mention behaviors can be consuming and cause the person to end up suffering from a greater mental health condition.

Watch for signs and refer this person a professional immediate.
Set healthy boundaries. Explain that love does not and should not hurt.

If you find yourself in a relationship with someone like this or are a person that holds such a behavior seek help now. Set healthy boundaries and become accountable, before your end up resenting yourself or others.

©️2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

Start with some positive affirmations

It’s Monday to Sow.

How to sow?

Think that today will be different. Be thankful, seek the good in others, trust God’s ways, have Hope, go out of your way to help someone, find your inner strength.

Seek today’s blessings: that is the ability to change.

If you’re aiming to have a great week. Believe in flexibility and allow room for expansion.

Rejoice in doing good, in paying to others with kindness at all times, in showing your compassion and support to those who seem to not be able to do the same—in being there for those who, seem to get lost seeking after lux, fame, numbers and big profiles.

Reflect a good character to those who say one thing and get lost in the attempt to actually hold weight to their own words.

Keep fighting to apply the golden rule—do unto others as you want done to yourself every day of your life (Leviticus 19:18).

Don’t give up: for you will reap a harvest if you do not give up!

Let your good testimony speak for you. Let the hard labor show the result and speak for your. Allow all the work you’ve done behind close doors to be reveal in public when you least expected it. There is always someone watching. Trust me there is always someone watching. Your fruits will speak for you.

Keep sowing, you will harvest plentiful if you do not grow weary of doing good.

The scriptures tells us “Yet He has not left Himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; He provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy.”‭‭(Acts‬ ‭14:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬)

Allow this to be your motivation for this day.

As always, here for you and with your!

In Christ,

Denise Kilby

©️2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

We can do increasingly more than we think!

In life we will honestly know what we are made of when we are going through the fire. It is when we are being processed that the best of us gets a chance to come out and shine, to stand out and get the shape that it needs at that given time in that particular situation because in live we will never stop being shaped.

The best of me comes out when I’m going through the hardest things in life (or what I feel is the hardest at the time…), don’t we all have times as these?

What we do is what will determine the outcome of the situation.
Did you know that you can still produce while you’re going through a process of “drought”, past a child baring age?
In Genesis 17:21 God gave Abraham a promise that “his wife would give him a son” that seemed naturally impossible due to their old age so aye, “she laughed”. The same seems to happen to us when when are going through a rocky path and we are given a promised or are told that the sun will come after the storm.
We can’t visualize the smooth side of the road at time and get physically tired just by thinking about it. We don’t believe that anything good can come out of us at that time. And here comes Mr. or Mrs.’s positive trying to tell us “everything is going to be alright, don’t give up, you can do it, you’re almost there…keep swimming” (keep hiking would sound more relevant right—wink face).

The “I can’t do it” thought is a full lie. Sarah (Abraham’s wife) was able to go through the process and despite her old age give birth to her child, who multiplied in generations and became. Now, Sarah wasn’t perfect. She was far from it indeed and in her imperfection God’s righteousness didn’t back up on His promise.
Sometimes we get the hardest assignment or the biggest promises in the darkest moments and can’t seem to see the light to complete those assignments or to find hope to believe those promises, at times we get both. But what we do while we are there is extremely important.
We might not always understand the “why” of at least 70% of the things we go through in life but can get to know the “what for” at the end of the process, if while we’re going through the hardships we make a conscious decision to learn something from them. And even if they’re not hardships. If we decide to give our all to the situation in order to get the best learning experience from it to avoid making the same mistakes (even if we face a similar situation again) we will not react the same way.
The key is on being determined to take action to avoid abrupt reactions that could shift the mold in which we are while going through the process of being shape through the fire.


Have you ever heard of that saying, “you will reap what you have sown”? Sometimes it seems so unfair, especially when you have sown goodness in people and get bitterness in return, treated unfairly, and with disrespect… correct!? I know! You’re not alone. I too been there my dear. This happens at home, at work, at the park, the grocery store and even at the fine restaurants we want to go have a nice sit down dinner with our love ones.
Now, have you even heard of the truth that “hurt people hurt people”, that bitterness may not be from the seed you planted, and learning to identify that is very important in order to end self-blame. That bitterness that you’re getting may be from unhealed grief and mourning that is still present in people’s life. From ongoing pain and trauma. You may not not be able to change a bitter and damaged heart with who you don’t have a relationship with (i.e. at the restaurant or grocery store etc.) but you can try to seek help as a family for your loved ones and with your love ones. In the case of your co-workers, employees, or employers you can suggest/do webinars on how to better the communication. Let go of the past and move forward at work. You can’t change anyone, you can only change how you move forward from today on.

But I tell you what is possible, refocusing. Invest that energy, that time, that thought, and that heart in someone else, into something else, a new activity a new idea, a new creation, a new version and improved you.

Think about how you can start sowing into someone else, take your focus from that situation and move to what you can do next.
Where can you be productive, how can you keep moving towards your promise, remember you can still produce as long as you have life! Become the father and mother of nations expand and grow.

You need to believe!! I know first hand what it feels like to be in the middle of the burning fire that is meant to purify you me and give me the best shape of my life, what it feels like to be dying and simultaneously understand that is meant to reshape me, while I attend to a calling. Yet I still cry, because of the burning on my flesh. However, that doesn’t stop me from doing what God called me to do, and originally designed me to me. Not only on Sunday’s or Wednesday during Monday prayers, or when people see me… but at any given or called and chosen time that God wants to use me no matter what I am facing or feeling I choose to be what He called be to be to see the results that I want.

Thank you for reading. Contact me for coaching, guidance, counseling and or crisis response.

With my best love in Christ!

Your coach,

Denise K.

©️2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All right reserved.

A Personal Blog

“Why I am I the closes to you when I’m going through the toughest days, I want to be that close, every single day.”

During my conversational prayer with the Lord this morning I decided that I would be honest with myself; because I felt like I’ve been living rather very busy life lately. If you’re a subscriber to my emails and to this blog or are one my clients you have probably noticed a decreased in content I’ve been making available to the general public.

So, as I wrestled with being honest, and battled with admitting what was already clearly known by God, I realized that this is the second day I find myself speaking to God about “my busy agenda” and “apologizing to Him for not giving Him, as much undivided attention as I used to.” As I continued I prayed, for a lot of people a series of situation and thanked Him for so many things and felt so much better… I then got up from my bed to shower, pumped up with intentions to get going with my day.

All of a sudden while getting ready to shower I find myself praying again (the bathroom is usually my prayer room–my war room). So I kept praying to God, and my prayers turned into sobbing and complaining, personal, honest, opened, and real Jesus bleeding-wounds cross carrying on His way to mount Calvary crying to His Father type of prayer and supplication.

I felt like God heard my prayers, as every morning’s before I left the bed, but He also knew that in my honesty I was leaving so much inside that He needed me to surrender so He could fix it, for Him to work on. After I told Him how burden I felt, and everything I disliked, I showered and got ready to do spring cleaning on my yard, and go on with my day.

As soon I got out the shower, I got a phone call–the caller ID read “My Mother” to my amazing surprise and to be honest unusual, it was a pleasant mood booster phone call and she wanted to come over. Mom needed a ride. I said of course. My husband was on his way to the auto parts store to pick up some paint to work on his motorcycle, he had crashed almost two weeks ago and left him with a broken wrist. I asked him if he mind, he said he didn’t (another great surprise) she lives a town over.

So she came over, and I went under the deck, to get started…after these massive snow storms that we had this winter and a year of low activities thanks to Covid-19 my yard was terribly affected by it all. I went in the shed, picked up a rake and asked mom if she needed one. She said yes, but she looked more like she could go to a fancy mall instead so I told her to stay back as much as possible.

Lo and behold the enemy started swinging my mood around and playing with my emotions. No training or practice seem to be working, I was full human [I am fully human], I kept telling God, I need an intervention to think different than I do now. I am not perfect. I don’t want to feel this way and it’s easier to counsel someone and have them apply what you teach them the apply certain things to yourself. HOLY SPIRIT be my COUNSELOR.

The enemy kept showing me my husband working on bike with one arm while I’m here working on this huge yard with a chronic pain condition. All the “why’s” started to show up my friends…I couldn’t seem to find any “what’s” at the moment [where are they when I need them]. Why am I going through this, why does my mom had to witness this, why is my husband always traveling for work and now that he’s local he can’t give me he’s good hand, why are my teens still in bed, why I can’t have my family work like I can help my client’s, why I always want EVERYTHING PERFECT (yikes hehehe).

Suddenly I was smacked with a “what”. What have I learned from all the things I’ve had to do alone in this life. I started to praise and worship God, I thanked Him. I called His presence in my life, in my yard, in my house, over my children, in my children’s life, I rebuked all spirit of distraction from all the “what’s” of God. All spirits of laziness, all spirit that didn’t belong to God, selfishness, abandonment, lack of love, gossip and kept doing it and thanking God.

God is always looking for a way to show what a great God He is, what a new thing He is doing, what we’ve become as individuals, how capable we are of doing things alone, how much He’s equipped us…the list goes on.

Years back I couldn’t rake because of how severe and uncontrolled my pain from my herniated disks and fibromyalia was, now I am able to do so much, almost pain free and most importantly medication free.

I had a tough, tough day. I cried, fought and talked to God almost all day [more than all week perhaps]. And at the end of my day I found myself standing outback enjoying the sunset from my deck while I read a book, saying “thank you God, what a day, no doubt that in the hardest day I talk to you the most” only to be reminded that in my morning prayer that was one of the things I confessed.

At the end of the day, we are humans, imperfect, we must be flexible, give ourselves grace, forgive, live, love and talk to ourselves the same way we talk to those we love the most. God loves us beyond measurements. Let’s be intentional in seeking that love and multiplying it with those who need it the most. To see a picture of my sunset visit my my Instagram Page @denisekilby._

“Why I am I the closes to you when I’m going through the toughest days, I want to be that close, every single day.”

God will allow whatever it takes my friends!

With my love in Christ,

Denise K.

©️2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

Is it Morally Correct to Break a Promise?

How many time has someone promised you something only to leave you with a bitter taste wishing that promises didn’t exist? When is it okay to break a promise? Is it ever okay to break a promise?

Growing up i learned to dislike promises, and in my early adult years I used to always say, “I don’t promise, I don’t like them and I don’t like surprises.” There are times that I still don’t like surprises… hehehe. As humans we naturally want to know the outcome of the situations we’re presented with, or in most cases would at least want all things to have an outcome of some sort, right? And it broken promises, it seems like there’s no outcome, only disappointment. In most cases, at least.

Humans, huh.

Keeping a promise is morally important because it serves as a foundation in which our relationships stand and will be founded. Knowing that one can trust someone don’t simply serve as a steppingstone as many may say but as a solid rock with which we can build generations to come. The way one is morally founded and decides to build their relationships and wishes to be seen in the eyes of others will strongly play a part on how they hold on to the promises they make to others; the reason why they make the promises or the weight their promises hold plays a very important part as well.

We will not always be able to hold on or keep all of our promises. Some people make very vague promises, and many individuals promise just to try to make others happy or to gain credibility in the eyes of the world.

However, this is not the case with every person that makes a promise, there are situations in which one promises to be somewhere in ten minutes and gets stuck in traffic, thus breaks it 15 min later. That example doesn’t mean that the person had ill intentions at heart or acted morally incorrect, it simply means that some people use the word promise out of content or takes it too lightly.

Now, is it ever morally permissible to break a promise? Yes. it is morally correct to break a promise that was made under a lie, to correct a wrong action. In other cases, some people find themselves in situations where they have to break promises to avoid an immoral action or to fix their life and depart from sin.

Fortunately, enough, Jesus is a promise keeper.

I hope you can take some wisdom from this today and begin correcting some actions.

“Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil. Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore, let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool’s voice with many words. When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay.” Ecclesiastes 5:1-7

©️2021 Denise Kilby New Hope Mental Health Christian Life Coaching. All rights reserved.

Boost Your Brain

Boost your brain

It’s time to activate the knowledge that the Lord has placed in us, by becoming wise in how we use what we already know.

Keeping items in the same place…

Let’s start with what seems most obvious

  • Make sure that every time you use your purse you place it in the same exact location, a hook behind the entrance door or under the end table in the living room. Yes, that second one may seem like an awkward one, but if like me– you do a lot of online shopping and bill paying that could be a convenient place.
  • Let’s talk about those keys, that are always sitting at the bottom of our purses… how about we intentionally place them in that hook that says, “keys belong here”.

When we practice these exercises, we’re intentionally reminding our brains to work in a certain way, that things must be in a specific order. We’re purposely moving and thinking, until these activities become second nature. I have a one-year-old goldendoodle who taught us that if we don’t keep our socks away, we would have a sick dog around the house every 3 days and a possible very expensive pet bill at least once a week. Let me tell you that it took us almost an entire year to finally get pet insurance. It takes times, practice and intentionality. No one is perfectly organized. But now we’ve learned out lessons since the last massive snowstorm and his last visit to the vet.

Learn that name

  • Can you give me the little things that’s on top of the middle thing by the tv? Sure, the thing that looks like an oval thing?
  • Do you remember the lady that lived next to the lady that used to sell shish kabobs? Oh, the one that has a husband who was a mechanic?!

Suggestions to help you remember call things and people for their given names:

  • Whenever you buy something look at the label, read it out loud, and when you’re talking to others about that product call it by the name on the label, box or describe by as it says on the box.
  • Do you grasp everything the first time you read it? Probable not. If you’re a visual person, it might help to read what you’ve read to keep it in your memory or imagine the characteristics of what you’ve read.
  • The same goes with people’s names and faces. When you’re introduced to people look at them in their eyes. And repeat their names back to them by saying nice to meet you, whenever you think about them imagine that introduction and their unique characteristics

Strengthen your power of attention

  • Open a book. Open a book every night and read three new pages, attempt to memorize & write down in a summary what you read the next night before you go back to the next three pages. Then do it all over again, read three new pages and summarize again.
  • Boost information processing speed by examining a photo you have never seen before for one min, then turn around without seen the image and jot down 10 details you saw while looking at the image. (Will also be done during session).  
  • Increase your short-term memory by listening to your favorite music and attempting to remember the first top 10 without looking back.

Mindfulness Meditation and Pray

  We’ve all heard of the term meditation, mindfulness and prayer, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of the three together.

  • This form of meditation helps you make an assessment on things that have happened from a calmer space, helps you connect with yourself, relax and focus on your breathing. Focusing on your awareness in sensory stimuli in the present moment. While ignoring intrusive, and annoying chattering thoughts—you know, random self-talk.
  • Manfulness meditation and prayer can help you calm a racing mind and declutter to learn new information. This helps you sharpen your ability to focus without you jumping from thought to thought.
  • Prayer keeps you grounded during your mediation to your creator, His son your savior and the Holy Spirit who surrounds your body and heals your mind and spirit from all the chaos going on around in this world.

Keeping a weekly plan

Sometimes I surprise myself by how good I’ve become at it. It took me years of missing appointment and being late before I realized how much I like the Lord to be on time and organized in my life and I’m here as His ambassador.

    I’d say I’ll start with today

  • Daily start breakfast, lunch dinner, dishes, shower, bedtime, wake up time, cleaning, etc. (the most obvious and basic things)
  • Remember to be flexible and not live stressed by it
  • Having things written down will give you the satisfaction of seeing it get done.
  • Add it to your phone calendar and or write it in paper.

Read on…

You may find it hard to believe but if you really want to enhance your memory and learn…read. When I first came to the Allentown PA from Puerto Rico, I can certainly say I didn’t know English. I thought I knew some…Well, if you know Puerto Rican’s I can tell you I didn’t know much more than what they all know when they first come here. I knew Hamburger, Hotdogs, Pizza, McDonalds…You get it right? All the fast foods that we have in common, the common phrases they teach us in our English classes thanks to Puerto Ricans being US Citizens we get some classes other people I’ve spoken to say they don’t, the basics I would say.

Despite being born here I left for PR when I was 5 and basically was raised there, coming at the age if 16 I had to relearn the language and the culture. At the time I was a mother to a 2-year-old boy, so I didn’t fit in with many youths and the people I hung around with were at first my mother’s friends and afterwards all military personnel, so I focused on reading. That’s where my main intellect and love for books came from. I learned English, grammar, and although I was always really good in my English courses in Puerto Rico, Spanish, in Writing; I learned how to put words together.  

Reading it’s the best way to sharpen your brain. Not only because it helped me. When you read, you’re processing the material written, you have more time to think, and this activates your brain. The more parts of your brain that get activated the better it is for your brain because the more alert that you will become.

One small detail about screen reding, when we read on a screen. A lot of screen reading is leisure reading, social media doesn’t always provide a lot formal book formal reading, and this can actually hinder your brain… This type of reading does not help the brain to be stimulated. The longer we stare at a screen the longer we can hinder the process of critical thinking. The less critical thinking that we do in life, the less capable we will become when it comes to making critical decisions.

The solution? Read more books. Your brain will appreciate it!

Pick up the pen

Let’s get writing: journaling has been proven to improve the brain health. Yes, journaling nourishes your brain. We all want to be nourished and what better way than by writing how we feel or what we’re going through on an ongoing basis. Pressing down with a pen on a paper has an impact on your brain.

  • 1. Journaling reduces stress: an overabundance of stress can be damaging your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.
  • 2. Expressive writing can strengthen your immunity and decrease your risk of illness in the future. Those who journal constantly show stronger immune cells than those who don’t. It also increases memory capacity which improves cognitive processing.
  • 4. A unique social and behavioral outcome of journaling in that it can improve your mood and give you a greater sense of overall well-being and happiness.
  • 5. Journaling will strengthen your emotional functioning. As journaling habits are developed, benefits become longer terms; meaning that your will become more in tune with your inner needs as you journal.

Journaling is good for you. Journaling gives you an opportunity to get to know yourself as you let go of what seem to impede that same action, while doing so.

Spend time in your memories

As we spend time talking about boosting your brain and talking about different thing that help keep you in your toes. Now I want you to focus on Spending some time in your past memories.

Past memories can be very bothersome for many people. Whether it is because you’re having difficulty recalling them or because of what those memories hold. To add to the process many experience intrusive memories and flash backs that keeps them from wanting to remember anything from their past at all and prevents them from moving forward.

A key to finding peace and relief from your troubling memories lies in shifting from intrusive rumination to deliberate and reflective rumination. Your memories are going to come up one way or another. Why fight them? Instead of being at war with your memories, invite them in. Call them in and come to peace with them. When you think critically about what happened to you, you give yourself an opportunity to eventually learn from the experience.

Ahh, Sleep… Get the sleep you need

Dreams we all have them, and to have them we need to sleep. They have a purpose. Dreams are a vital process for memory consolidation and healing (Wright). Our memories are consolidated in our dreams while we sleep, and our days are linked with similar parts of our days. In some way we can say that our hippocampus and amygdala work at putting this into what we call dreams while our eyes are closed, and we rest our minds. Our brains are at work while our minds are at rest at night. We must sleep, we must rest our mind for our brains to do their job.

I pray that this is helpful and that you can come up with a plan to reach your goals, and a schedule to work on healthier habits and get on your way to your new journal.

In Christ,

©️2021 Denise Kilby New Hope Mental Health Christian Life Coaching. All right reserved.

Be There For Yourself

Growing up with an unknown mental illness can cause a person to become an isolated, deprived and withdrawn from affection, socially awkward—hard to understand adult.

I was first taken to see a mental health professional at the age of 12/13 after a serious panic attack that caused me to experience extreme histeria and delusional thoughts.

Thinking that I was posses I was sprinkled with holy water and taken to an emergency room.
Little did I know that I would walk out from the emergency room and two other session afterwards undiagnosed.
Not understanding what I dealt with at the moment or later on drove me to a very disruptive and self destructive path.
I was seeking for healing in the wrong places I was hopeless and at such young age I didn’t know any better. The place that belong to God in me I was giving to the world to fill and it would just become more void.

My depression, anxiety and panic disorders due to past trauma and different forms of abuse were so severed that played out in ways that others thought or called “acting out.”
Of course, the normal misdiagnosis from a lot of teachers and adults—I was acting out, I was searching for New Hope, for something that never existed before, I had conviction that I would find it and I did.

Now, many moons later and after going around the sun a few times (😉) I can certainly say that I was wrong. I’ve found a New Hope and it surely wasn’t the one from back then.

Due to everything that I went through I grew up without friends, I stumbled upon people along the way, but didn’t meet many [not that many to be honest], even thought I did messy things…
I lived a very alone life (I dislike the term lonely). I learned how to be a teen mom—the only one I knew at my age. The only one I’ve ever met, and I learned to not have any middle school or high school memories due to that. I learned missing a lot and seeing teens my age as annoying kids who needed to grow up.
I never stepped foot into a high school and I couldn’t tell you what they look like.

Now as an adult I can certainly tell you that I’ve learned to not relate with a lot of people. I’ve always relate and get along better with older people, and I still don’t have friends or relate to people my age (I know some would say I am your friend…).

What I mean I don’t text anyone, I don’t talk to anyone on a daily basis, or even on a monthly basis.
I have acquaintances, people who happen to have the same knowledge as me on some areas or do church like me and are about sharing the good news.

The reason why I’m sharing this as a mental health coach and lay counselor is because—as humans living with untreated mental illnesses can tend to believe that the abnormal is something normal in our lives to the point that we begin to believe it and live it out until we love it.

I’ve learned how to be my own “shero”. Be there when no one else was, pep talk myself back to bed when I was uncontrollably crying at night, critique my own work when I don’t have anyone to ask after going back to school, take my own “professional pictures” and edit my own videos and cheer myself up even when they look like spaghettis in a pot.

Because I’ve lived so alone that I didn’t know who to turn to.
When people meet me today, they’ll say “I would never thought that.” But that’s is my truth, and that it the truth that a lot of people are living now.

I don’t have a problem being alone, I learned how to be happy with myself and I like being alone, I read books, watch movies, clean up, work, paint, create content, graphics, edit, write… and the list goes on and on and on.

I’ve learned to love this way of life. However, many individuals would suffer dearly if they lived this way—perhaps are suffering right now.
That’s why the pandemic shook so many people’s soul the way it did!

If you find yourself in a situation similar to this, please learn techniques and ways to cope with being with yourself. Our minds is a strong force of its own.

We were created for relationship, when God created Adam He said it was not good for Him to be alone… after all the great things He created and called “good”, The though of Adam being alone He called it “not good”. Thus, He created a woman, part of His flesh, and bones, to be with Him. Ordering them to procreate send them on. That’s why the devil is prowling like roaring lion looking for whom to devour—looking for whom to take apart, to separate and break up.

Please insist on being close to those you do life with, fight for your family, your children, your spouses and everyone you love.

I suggest that if you or someone you know, young or old is displaying any symptoms of mental illness that you please don’t ignore it. This is serious and for those who never learn how to live with being alone, they can end up feeling lonely and in a lot cases become depress to the point of committing suicide.

If you need help reach out. Help is available;
Suicide Prevention Life Line 18002738255

©️2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

Gratitude

Its been a while…

Its been a while since I last sat on my deck, listened to the birds talk to each other, carve their own trees, as I enjoyed the gentle breeze caress my face like the fingers of a mother in a newborns face. I immediately thought “coffee and book–me-time.”

The last time I’d admired the simple things of nature in a cool morning rather than a brisk one had been what it felt like two lives ago. I finally got to clean my desk after all the debris that the snow left behind. The temperature finally hit 72 degrees yesterday and it is 54 this morning.

“What a joy and blessing” I said. I thought to myself “I’m not sure how many can see this as a blessing, but I am blessed today”. Reflecting as I sat down I thought “It seems almost impossible that something so white, pure and clean, that falls from the sky could leave us with so much trouble and in situations hard to come out of.” Once the snow becomes hard, we can hardly do anything but wait for it to melt. The same is true in a lot of situations in our lives. Sadly that’s how satan, works. The one who once was the whitest and brightest angel in heaven now works in this world to serve as an obstacle, orchestrating every situation and making people believe that evil is good. There’s a slight difference, however, once the situations in life get extremely hard we can count on God to make them better.

As I sat on my deck on complete gratitude it came to my mind the many reasons we have not to be grateful for. If we sat down and looked at ourselves in an ordinary day and what WE collectively [as a world] have gone and are still going through, we could say that we have so many things going wrong. That there is so much that we can’t find good. There’s so much trouble in this world, come on–look at the year we just went through, pandemic kicked our most secret places and left us with a new year full of insecurity for many. There are so many individuals dealing with self-esteem issues, mental illness, isolation, domestic abuse, abandonment, harassment, racism, insecurities, abuse of power, poverty is at its peek and did I mentioned mental illnesses? Yes, studies show that mental illness is worse than even.

But with all of the mentioned above can we really say anything to the homeless community… they really have it hard. Can we tell them come on get over it, it’ll be okay, this pandemic will be over soon? I even wonder who is vaccinating them…but that’s for another article.

They’ve been getting hit hard, they’ve been suffering pain, rejection and isolation, they’ve been socially distant and discriminated against, they’ve been suffering a pandemic, they’ve been poor, they’re mental illness has been destroyed, they’re PTSD has been affected more than once. They have home insecurity, food insecurities, lack of family and governmental support, poor hygiene and health care. But more than all of that, a lot of the time when you give them a little they have a lot of gratitude.

Often times we focus on what rattles up the “common” that we forget what is truly uncommon. This is how I felt this morning with a temperature of 54 degrees and a backyard that needs to be redone after snow storm after snow storm. May the little and the common in our lives help us see the big and what should not be common in another individual’s life.

“May our struggles today, help us be grateful like those who have been struggling a lifetime.”

Thank you for reading, please don’t forget to reach out for coaching, counseling or crisis response needs.

©️2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

Conscious Awareness

Live Consciously Aware of Your Choices

Thank you for connecting, today I want us to talk about being consciously aware of the choices we make. Don’t let your feelings take you by surprise.

I’ll begin saying this; Love is a Choice:

Love is a choice that we must make daily, and forgiveness carries it right by the hand. Every morning when we awake, we make a conscious decision whether to forgive the ones we say we love for the day or to carry our lack of forgiveness and pain and let it become anger. Depression and bitterness turns into anger if we don’t take first towards healing from our past. I know you might not want to hear it, but your past is as recent as yesterday.  Living with unforgiveness means walking around unsure of what we’re feeling for those we once loved, or trusted.

The result is always suffering, suffering for you or even those who hurt you.  Carrying pain is double work as we toss that load around everywhere we go, and fight to make room for it in our lives, many times if there’s no room because things are going well, we force it, we reminisce and try to remember. Instead of just leaving it behind, we force it to be part of our lives. These choices can take us on an eternal journey of suffering, yes, because life is eternal, whether is above in heaven or down in hell. A lot of people dislike to hear this truth, and as my Pastor was saying on Sunday service, this truth needs to told, even if people get offended, we are speaking the truth in love. These choices are ours to make daily, they could turn out to be beautiful or devastating experiences, choose how you want to look at it today. If you want to learn something positive from all your pain and suffering, you can. Make the choice today and start talking and walking in the truth.

This is not an easy task:

Its easier to say it than it is to actually do it. The reason being is because it is hard indeed. This is the hardest to do when all you’re seeing are lies, betrayals, abandonment, uncertainty, failure, disappointment and sadness. When you’re not facing anything that seems to truth, is when you have to say, “Jesus is truth, I choose to see Him, believe Him, and learn from this experience.” Your words will immediately affect your behavior and you will begin to move in those choices, (this takes practice). You might think, what about that pain, suffering, betrayal and lack of loyalty, that I’m still feeling? And what about when I find these feelings at the crack of dawn? I must tell you that if you Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this he will make this things happen. He will make this pain go away.

What about when doubt, fear anxiety and lack of understanding and unforgiveness cripples at you before you even sit up from bed in the morning? Or even more, what about when disappointment is the last thing you feel before you close your eyes?

We become consciously aware: STILL A CHOICE AND EXPERIENCE, WE’LL LIVE!

Trust & Experience:

Believe me, I understand, this can be confusing to believe that love is a choice and forgiveness is what carries it to completion. But think about what happens when you love someone? You forgive, if you want to remain with them, and I’m not sure if you have experienced this, but you can even learn how to forget. You can actually talk about it to the point that it no longer hurts, and with years you can’t even remember it at all (your subconscious won’t creep up on you). If this seems impossible now I want to recommend you Lysa Terkeurst’s book, “Forgiving what you can’t forget”. There is something greater, that begins to live within ones’ soul, that becomes liberating when we make a conscious choice to truly love LIKE JESUS DID. This is that feeling of being able to think of something that once hurt us so deeply to simply discover that it no longer causes pain, there’s no physical reaction, there’s spiritual growth instead, and understanding for those who hurt us. It is something that begins to set us free within.

I remember growing up and before Christ, I always used to say “I forgive but I don’t forget” or “I’m not God to forgive them”, “May God forgive you because I can’t.” Of course I could not forgive them, I didn’t have Christ, I was spiritually immature, I had a process to undergo and life experiences to learn from. Those experiences that God Himself allowed me to live so that I can become everything that He created me to be and thus be here today, talking to you from a much better life.  I’ve been saved by grace, I didn’t deserve it, I did not do anything to earn it, God gave me what I did not deserve, and I think all the time, why not pay it forward.

Going deeper:

God decided to send His only son Jesus to die for us, this was done due to His immeasurable love for us, love that will never be compared and could never be equal to the love of another living human. Jesus decided to become flesh and die for our transgressions as an act of love and obedience, and in the same vain forgive our sins. Leaving with us the great counselor, the Holy Spirit, so that we can talk to Him and receive advice through discernment whenever we need it.

Taking Ownership:

Your brain is made to reinforce and regulate life. Use it to work in your favor. What a lot of people don’t understand is how. I’ll give you a few more pointers as I conclude this talk.

Your subconscious mind has something called a homeostatic impulse, which regulates functions like body temperature, heartbeat and breathing. But what many people don’t realize is that just as your brain is built to regulate your physical self, as does it try to regulate your mental self. Your mind is constantly filtering and bringing to your attention information and stimuli that affirms your preexisting beliefs (this is known in psychology as confirmation bias) as well as presenting you with repeated thoughts and impulses that mimic and mirror that which you’ve done in the past.

Every morning when I wake up, I make a few conscious choices;

1) love (for God, myself and others), 2) peace (for myself and with others), 3) honesty (with God, myself and others), 4) security (in God, with whom I am, and for those I love) 5) loyalty (to God, myself, and those I try to truly love like Jesus did) and 6) understanding (myself as God does).

Practice what I, be consciously aware of your choices and keep me posted with the results.

As Dr. Joshua Straub said in one of the episodes of his Famous at Home Podcast’s

“I try to “Understand others as I would want them to understand me.”

I too apply the golden rule and add a slight nudge.

Contact me for more or if you need help navigating through any of these situations.

©️ 2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

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