Trauma Therapy & Affairs

                                Let’s talk about Trauma Therapy, and Affairs. Press here to listen to this episode from my Podcast

But, first I want us to take a look at the definition of affair in general, and in personal/marital relationships.




1. an event or sequence of events of a specified kind or that has previously been referred to (something repetitive).

2. a sexual relationship between two people, one or both of whom are married to someone else (cheating).


Having an affair [even a “pre-affair”] is an indication that some healing needs to take place in a person’s life. This includes witnessing and affair as a child, or growing up in a home where one of the parents had an ongoing affair. Having an affair as an adult and never seeking help to end it, or lacking to properly heal from them and moving on.

Healing from what was witnessed during childhood, teen trauma, or adulthood experiences is crucial.

Affairs come into place when there’s something somewhere in your soul that has been broken and the affair was just another vice to cover over the pain, hurt and brokenness. Affairs happen when you try to medicate the pain by disconnecting from the reality as you attempt to fill a gap that will remain void until you’ve done healing.

Affairs can be emotional, psychological, spiritual and of course the most commonly known physical.

Fix the brokenness and heal the pain and then learn to be faithful to yourself, and THEN your future significant other who may some day become your spouse. Healing is required to hold valuable long-lasting relationship not only with that person who will eventually become your spouse but also with those you do life with on a daily basis.

If you have grown up in a family of affairs or feel like you’re carrying any childhood trauma. Make sure that you do the work on yourself first before engaging in a relationship with someone else. By doing so you will obtain tools to self-help and prevent any possible future affairs. You will learn the importance of being honest and see meaningful change in yourself that will stop this behavior.

“If you don’t heal you’ll end that affair and begin another one.”

Affairs do not catch anyone by surprise there are 100 steps to end it before you begin it (learn how). You immediately know when the lines have been crossed or are closed to being crossed before you cross them.

1 Corinthians 10:13— “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. Everyone is not having affairs so we cannot normalize this behavior and it breaks down families and ruins the lives of children.”

What you have endured or are undergoing at this moment is not uncommon, it’s common to most people. Learn how to, seek help if you find yourself falling into a series of affairs—one after the other, and don’t know how to end this vicious unhealthy, destructive and dangerous behavior.

I hope you enjoyed this brief talk if you want to know more or need help in this matter feel free to reach out!

©️ 2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

Prayer Works

Wednesday Wisdom:

We pray because we need to hear from Him, not because is the other way around [He’s Always Listening-Psalm 66:19]. #pray

We pray to grow closer to our creator and imitate Jesus’ relationship with the Father [in prayer and supplication-Hebrews 5:7].

We Pray…

Dear Lord, thank you for your never ending love, healing, mercy, grace and opportunities for me and those I love and pray for.

Help me to operate and see the difficulties I face in the flow of your power today and not against it.

Help me hear your voice after I ask you or give you thanks for anything.

Open my heart and my ears to be receptive to the discernment of the Holy Spirit.

Your divine power has given me everything for a godly life.

I don’t need to believe the lies of the enemy or anyone who’s being used by Him.

I believe I will overcome, I believe healing is happening as I pray to you, I believe you’re cutting off the chains of spiritual death and reviving the dead bones as I make my supplications to you, and that I will hear from you, and see your promises unfold before my eyes.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Praying for healing is wisdom 🤍

©️ 2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

Wholehearted Connections

Hello beautiful bunch: Bring Healing

Today I decided to share something I just posted on an Instagram page that I host one week a month.

Here you have it….

Tuesday Talk:

Looking to connect with you don’t mind me if I ask too much!

Jesus asked questions in more than half of the interactions He had.

He connected with people’s thoughts and feelings. He understood that new ideas need to be connected with existing frames of reference if they are to last. He seldom pressed for “closure” or a decision. Instead, He understood that time is required for ideas to simmer and for people to own them before they act on them.

What can we learn from Jesus’ example’

• Jesus knew how to take initiative.

• Jesus responded to the initiatives of others.

• Jesus left room in his schedule for interruptions by friends and others enlisting his help.

• Jesus usually met people on their own turf.

• Jesus was interested in establishing common ground with others.

To provide healing we must get closer to people!

We must take initiative, be responsive, leave room for others to come close to us, allow interruptions, meet people where they are, and establish a common ground!

• Call an old friend 📞

• Write a letter to a complete stranger 📝

• Pray together 🙏

• FaceTime a friend & study the word of God 📖

• Give your neighbor an unexpected gift 🏘

• Share your most intimate ideas 💡

Live, love, connect and create a ripple effect.

How are you doing today, really?

Tell me here… I am here for you!

©️ 2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

Twelve Months to Produce and Allow Healing

Oh, Happy Monday my beloved readers! Welcome February!

Affirmation: It’s a New Month of unknowns

Strength: I am ready to live it to its fullest!

What will we make of today? It is Monday indeed a fresh day filled of new opportunities.

If like me you live in the northern states of the US you might have woken up with over a foot of snow on the ground. That can be discouraging as it may hold people back from outdoor activities, work and delay their business. It feels like a icy morning indeed. However, if you’re anything like me (and in case that you’re not), let me remind you that the opportunities of each day are given to us as a gift to make out of them the best we can.

I love Monday’s, I love God’s timing because it’s perfect, and I like to think that I can start each day on a new and clean slate to start writing my new story!

There’s New Hope my friends!

“Down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.”Revelation 22:2 NIV

We have 12 months to allow healing, God is the owner of the time. We don’t live in a strange matrix.

Read again, the twelve crops of fruit are the twelve months of the year, yielding to us (allowing us) new things, opportunities. And the leaves are the days, (everyday) we have the opportunity to heal as a nation, with our actions and contributions (physically, mentally, emotionally, & spiritually).

The leaves 🍃 were the sign that the tree 🌳 was still alive, this meant New Hope, this means production!

By their fruits you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.” Matthew 7:16-20 NIV

Please my dear, don’t believe everything you hear, cast out all negativity. Believe in life and watch the fruits it’ll produce!

With my best love in Christ,

Your coach Denise K.

©️2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

Spiritual Self-Care = Freedom

Wednesday Wedge

Hello, my beloved readers!

I know it’s been a little while since I last wrote to you. I’ve missed you all (believe me) and I apologize with a “sorry not sorry” note, umm…in case that you missed on some encouraging, empowering and equipping reading.

But while I was gone I was seeking the author of the message to bring you all fresh messages.

See the thing is that I can’t pour out or quench anyone’s thirst with an empty cup at hand. I must assure that I am a full vessel with good content within to be able to give and pay forward all the goodness that I receive.

All my inspiration, and empowerment comes from the Lord alone. I had to do some self-care (practice what I preach, we can say), it was necessary that I took some time to get my affairs in order with the Lord. I’m not saying my life was in a mess, but I needed to bring you a fresh message I most reiterate. And that’s something that I can only get from the Lord Himself alone.

When Jesus needed a fresh word for the disciples and His people He took time off from the crowd and went up to the mount to seek His Father’s face, a fresh message started to bake as His cup was being filled.

I needed from the living water of my Father as well. I do that from time to time as part of practicing authentic spiritual self-care. It is through that time that I can see His glory, even go through trials, temptations and tribulations, yet, still choose to seek His face. My best messages come from my time of seeking.

Has this ever happened to you, that when you’re intentionally seeking the face of God all distraction comes to you at once, you get tempted the most and live in an array of mix emotions and conflicts? Ahh, welcome to human-hood!

Oh yes, that is part of the spiritual growth, the pressing of the olive to produce the best oil. That is the anointing in the making! I take it!

I always say that I rather live in the pressing than them wondering or not know what could come out of me in those circumstances.

If we’re not pressed to our full potential or push to our maximum capacity we might never know how strong we truly are. See my strength comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. But if I’m not intentional on being strong I will live a life to rest in the lies of my adversary. I must surrender in times of weakness to gain new strength (His strengths). I must become uncomfortable with the normal things of this world to admit that something is truly wrong with the way of my preconceived beliefs. I must claim my strength and realize that when I am weak then I am strong (in Him) and that the strength from this passing world are temporary and come at a high price that I am being constantly asked to pay for.

Whereas if I use the strength of my creator they are free, the prices has already been paid with blood at the cross, and thus I can come for more any time I want and will never be asked to pay for them.

That strength is the one I seek daily, not from this world. Oh, yeah, not from this world at all.

Before I was born the price was already paid in full and my last day was already written down, and while I can’t seem to humanly comprehend such a gift (indeed hard to believe) I surrender. I come and seek my maker, my master creator, the Great I Am. The one who doesn’t need any explanation because He already knows my why’s. He understands why I feel the way I do, He just wants to hear me acknowledge that He exists to me, as I exist to Him.

When I come to the altar of the author of salvation o realize that His arms are already open wide like when He lived with us and bore my sins up on the cross. That is where I get fed of the living water, when I become a stronger vessel anew a fresh wine a miracle on this earth. That is when my cup becomes shareable and I can continue to pursue my calling.

How do you handle your spiritual thirst and self-care?

I’d love to hear from you!

Let’s connect 🤍

Denise Kilby

©️2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

The Day of The Lord

“Dear friends, this is now my second letter to you. I have written both of them as reminders to stimulate you to wholesome thinking. I want you to recall the words spoken in the past by the holy prophets and the command given by our Lord and Savior through your apostles. Above all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires. They will say, “Where is this ‘coming’ he promised? Ever since our ancestors died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation.” But they deliberately forget that long ago by God’s word the heavens came into being and the earth was formed out of water and by water. By these waters also the world of that time was deluged and destroyed. By the same word the present heavens and earth are reserved for fire, being kept for the day of judgment and destruction of the ungodly. But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare. Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming. That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells. So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him. Bear in mind that our Lord’s patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him. He writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction. Therefore, dear friends, since you have been forewarned, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure position. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen.”

‭‭2 Peter‬ ‭3:1-18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Happy Sunday

Mental Health

If you or someone you know is feeling misunderstood and isolated, there are confidential services available virtually and over the phone.
Get guidance, counseling or free resources and referrals.

You are not alone and my goal is to help! Start the year right and string by getting to know yourself better, meeting your mental and spiritual needs and aiding to great physical health.

You could become what you invest your life doing. You Are More than that.

Here For You My Dear

©️ 2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Connect with me ask me how!

Give Yourself Grace

. Give yourself some grace 🤍

Some of us spend a lot of our earthly years attempting to look for the best qualities in people—giving #grace, #forgiving and attempting to #forget making it one of our primary #goals (“to live in peace”) “in order heal & move on.”

Truth is that you’ve already been through a lot—too much perhaps, like to go about life forgetting about yourself in order to understand, and excuse others.

Rest it up 😴🤩

Have you thought about investing some of your time in yourself? Giving yourself grace and seeking for your best qualities—within you. Yes, based on the identity that’s was given to you by your father?

I believe it’s time that many of us decide to live our lives to our fullest God given potential, be intentional and practice it daily.

One of the greatest things in life is not achieving our goals (YES I’VE SAID IT) or living close to people who make us feel good (AT THE END THEY’LL LEAVE IF YOU DONT MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD-according to them, how they want).

One of the greatest things in life (IF NOT THE GREATEST) is rather living to our full potential. whatever that means for you.

Stop looking for validation and excusing other’s behaviors to find your place in their lives. FIND YOUR PLACE IN YOURS!

Live your life gracefully, gratefully, with high morals, values and respect for others, but overall respect for yourself.

Your feeling and emotions matter, your health matters, you deserve to be looked at as a serious matter.

Live your best life my dear, you can begin now, begin feeling and giving yourself validation, importance.

I am here for you, reach out!

With my best love EVER,

Your coach Denise K

©️ 2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.


Love cares, respects, protects, builds, doesn’t harm, prepares and grows everyday!

Don’t let “love” make you lose control of yourself. Don’t blame love for unhealthy behavior that lead to violence and lack of tolerance.

You simply DO NOT destroy, traumatize, terrorize or abuse in the name of love to enforce (impose) your opinions or power unto others. That is lack of self control and attempts to control THE situation. This reveals weakness and while I can lend empathy to help others become strong when they’re weak, wrong is wrong and I CANNOT let you get lost and confuse manipulation and overt acts of desperation with love.

Love is a beautiful ability to have an a gorgeous emotion to feel It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. When we love and forgive we’re not giving others the right to continue the abuse, oppress us, or abuse power, we’re healing within, we’re become capable of managing our own emotions and controlling our thoughts.

If you’re showing “love” for what you believe in, or to anyone you say you love with expressions of violence in order to “be heard” I exhort you to get help—for your own mental, spiritual, and physical health. Seek freedom indeed, not by being told what to do but by being guided on how to do what you desire the most.

We all have enough at one point or another, I can understand…frustration and anger turned inwards becomes depression, don’t limit your ability to express yourself in a healthy way. Do not destroy yourself, you were created in someone’s perfect image.

Again, violence becomes abuse of power and it is not the way.

Seek counsel and guidance my dear THAT IS THE BEST WAY, PRAY WITHOUT CEASING.

Violence isn’t the WAY, NOT THE WAY—get out. Do something about it, please!

Violent excitement exhausts the mind and leaves it withered and sterile“. -Francois Fenelon

I am here for you if you don’t know where to #start!

Don’t forget we have free strategy session, let’s figure things out together.

With my best love in Christ and your best interest at heart,

Your coach Denise Kilby!

©️2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

New Podcast

Hello my beloved readers and valuable clients. We are on Apple-Podcasts!!

Here I leave you with some new content that you’ll be able to listed to while working out, commuting to work, working, or while you’re trying to connect with those meaningful individuals in your life.

Enjoy it, learn from it, ask me questions if you have to, and share with others as you do relationship with them.

Listen to “New Hope—with Denise Kilby” on Spreaker.

Apple: look me up by name or “New Hope-with Denise Kilby”

©️2021 Denise Kilby New Hope MHCLC. All rights reserved.

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